I have been heartbroken a couple of times and at every time, I went through emotional brokenness and mental instability. It was really a tough one for me considering the fact that I kept my emotions to myself and I had to put up with my daily life activities such as work and all that.
I seemed to have healed but none of it left me the same way ; each took a part of me.
At some point I became hostile to anyone and everyone and at some other point, I was aggressive and depressed.
Trust became a major issue. No matter how hard everyone tried, it was difficult to trust again. In fact, it got so bad that I unusually became self-centered and cared less about how others felt. I unknowingly began to hurt others with my words and actions- what do you expect from a hurting soul?
There were times I couldn’t differentiate between true friends and those that just wanted to hit and run and I became an island of myself.
I felt good with myself pouring out all the frustration on the world but this hurt the more and kept tearing my world apart leaving me more shattered, lonely and alone.
Then I realized I wasn’t living my life. I wasn’t me! I allowed hurts and pains to overwhelm and choke the real me…
You are likely to share similar experience as mine; it’s okay to be hurt, we are humans and we have feelings but will you continue to live as a shadow of yourself?
Take it or not, life goes on. You don’t have to wallow in it. I know it may be difficult to forgive and forgetting may seem impossible. How then can you go about getting rid of hurts.
Below are some steps to take:
“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace” – Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Forgiveness is a powerful soothing balm. No matter how long it takes, once you let go of that feeling and hurt, you’ll heal.
It isn’t easy to forgive trust me, I know but you have to release yourself from that grip. It isn’t going to undo what has been done and change the past but it will create a future of happiness and fulfillment.
Your life is more important; after going through that painful experience it isn’t fair for you to subject your mind, soul and body to more pains.
It will do more harm than good if you don’t forgive; forgive yourself for being hurt and forgive whoever hurt you.
- Don’t bottle up the pain
We make the mistake of bottling up our emotions when hurt either because we feel by doing so will help in the healing process or it will take our minds off it. No, it doesn’t and won’t work! Don’t suppress your hurts, let it out. Cry if you have to, stay away if you have to, but don’t drown in it.
Bottling up hurts will only cause you more heart ache and one day, it will choke you.
- Talk to a Professional
It isn’t a bad idea to seek medical or professional help when hurting.
Talking to a professional could be the remedy you need (your mental health is important), he or she will help you push through the period of hurt. You don’t have to grieve alone, it’s their job to help you.
A professional could be a counselor, therapist, religious head that can help you through the healing process but be careful of who you go to for help. Don’t just listen to anyone. Make sure he or she can be trusted, is reliable and knows the job well.
- Take care of yourself
You have to put in conscious efforts to take care of yourself when hurting. Constantly check up on how you feel and intentionally stay out of anything that will stress you mentally.
Take yourself out, exercise, read books, listen to podcasts, go for that trip, take that vacation, just make yourself happy and comfortable.
“Self-care is how you take your power back”- Lalah Delia
Yes, take your life back and live it! It is yours and you have the right to.
Be full of smiles and laugh as much as you can because you deserve to be cheerful.
- Find the right Company
Being in the company of true friends is another way by which you can heal from hurt. Rather than sink into your shell, find a support system and rely on their strength and love. Don’t hide your feelings, express yourself and allow them help you heal.
You could even find someone that has been through same experience and is willing to share how he or she came out of it.
Don’t be shy or afraid to ask for help. We all need help at one point or the other.
No matter how you feel right now or what your story(experience) is, you can come out of it. Healing is possible.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, give yourself time but take conscious efforts towards healing one step at a time, one day at a time. Before you know it, you’ll be whole again.
I love you and I surely want the best for you.
If you are going through a heartbreak right now and you need someone you can trust to talk to, you’re free to talk to me or @palacedaughter
If you have been through a heartbreak and are willing to share your experience and how you overcame it for the lifting of others, kindly share in the comment box below.
Aside these, kindly share your thoughts on the issue of “Heartbreaks, Hurts and Healing,” we are all learning.
Thanks for reading.
Saka Halimat Shadiat