Do you know that love is a language? In fact, I’d say that love is a universal language that we all speak whether we are giving(speaking) or receiving(listening to) it.
One of my favorite books about love and relationships is Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages”. Just as we come from different tribes and have different dialects, Gary in his book made it clear that there are five different love languages and every being on earth regardless of age, size, race, status, et cetera has a primary love language which is spoken and is expected to be received.
Understanding your primary love language and those of friends, family, loved ones, colleagues, and so on bridges communication gap in relationships thereby strengthening relationship bonds.
Below is a brief review of the Five Love Languages as exposed by Gary Chapman.
I hope after reading, you will be able to identify what your primary love language is.
- Words of Affirmation- are you the type that likes it when you’re told you look good? Do words break you when spoken harshly? Then you’re likely to speak the love language of words of affirmation.
Words mean a lot to people that speak this language primarily. A statement like “Wow! You’re so smart, I wouldn’t have thought of a better idea”, from a boss to an employee is enough to keep that employee excited and active in the work place for as long as possible if his primary love language is words of affirmation. On the other hand, if a child whose primary love language is words of affirmation gets nothing else than complains about how he isn’t good enough in school from his parents or a significant person, he will feel hated and withdrawn and this could lead to more failures and other issues such as depression.
- Acts of Service- people in this category are those that feel loved when you help them with one or two things such as doing their laundry, helping them watch over their children for a day while they attend to something urgent; it could even be when you offer to take out their trash or when you help with some heavy bags, et cetera. As trivial and as funny as these may seem, people that speak the love language of acts of service feel on top of the world when these and more are done for them.
- Receiving of Gifts- receiving of gifts is another love language that interests me. Gifts such as flower, chocolate bars,teddies, books, jewelry, et cetera is all there is to win the hearts of those that speak this love language. A gift from you to them means that you care and think of them. Basically, it means because you love them, you thought it’d be nice to get them something which is always special in their eyes no matter how small or big and how cheap or expensive. They’ll hold you dearly in their hearts and won’t ever forget your kind gestures. They may go as far as keeping these gifts forever if it’s possible and carry them along if there’s a need to travel or relocate.
- Quality Time- does it amaze you to know that quality time is a love language? I mean just staying with a friend who just lost her job even if it’s not for the whole day comforting her or listening to whatever she has to say while she pours her heart about the situation could mean you really love and care for her if her primary love language is quality time. When you take time to be with a friend, family member, colleague and others, you are no doubt showing that you really love them.
However, it is important to note that having quality time is different from just being present.
- Physical Touch- this is a love language that needs to be spoken or expressed with caution. To avoid being misinterpreted, don’t go beyond the set boundaries and this is dependent on the type of relationship. For a couple for instance, there may be no restrictions as to where and where not to touch but for singles and children, there are set boundaries.
For those that speak physical touch as their primary love language; a hug, a kiss on the forehead or cheeck and a pat on the back will go a long way in expressing your sincere love and care for them. Don’t be surprised if your friend likes playing with your hair or holding hand with you when walking even in public places, it could be a signal that he or she speaks the love language of physical touch primarily.
We expect to receive from others the love language that we speak primarily and if love is not expressed in such language, we feel hated or uncared for. It is therefore important to note that while we discover and express our love languages, we should also discover and learn to express the love languages of those around us. In doing so, our love tanks won’t be empty and everyone will be loved and happy.
In addition, that you don’t speak a particular love language doesn’t mean you can’t learn to speak it just for the sake of the other person at the receiving end.
Did you find the book review interesting, you can get the hardcopy or e-book for more exposition- “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.
There are varieties of copies for children, teenagers, singles and couples to pick from.
My primary love language is words of affirmation, what is yours?
Kindly drop in the comment box what your primary love language is and if you have any experience you’ll like to share, please do.