A RELATIONSHIP YOU SHOULD NEVER SETTLE FOR

It’s just a very beautiful sight and a glorious creature to behold. A lovely feeling to experience. I can fall in love with him repeatedly. Gentle sound and soothing string in the middle of the night. It is never a nightmare rather a lovely relief but deep under the skin of that innocent lamb is the voracious face of the predator dragon.         
Wait a minute!
 Let me introduce myself before I continue my story.
I am Olushola Victoria and I am married to the only son and child of the big time Oil Mogul (High Chief (Dr.) Pedro Olushola).Great achievement right, one would say or better still am lucky, right!  Wait until you hear my story. I got myself into a nasty web called marriage to a wealthy boy not man.
O maa se ooo!
We met at a friend’s wedding party. No doubt, he was dashing, smelt good as well as looked neat. I could perceive the aroma of  his good money. His Mark & Spencer Shirt, Ronald Pens black pants, Louis Viton shoes, I knew this guy was in money and I thought he was responsible until I became entangled completely.
 We talked, shared contacts and kept in touch ever since then. He was caring and loving but all this lasted for a short period. Finally, he proposed and I said “Yes”. Did I fail to mention he showered me with gifts). And by this time, we were just 6 months in the relationship. Wedding was over then came reality called “MARRIAGE”. My husband, Pedro Olushola  (Jnr) was a complete opposite of the person I thought I knew. He loved himself at my detriment. He was not concerned about my feelings or welfare. It was all about him. My dignity died. I became his elated tortured slave and his most delightful horror movie while my soul died daily. I could not visit or invite my family and friends because no one would believe what I have become.
I married a narcissist.
Pause (weeping)
I married a man who is suffering from narcissism. He derives pleasure from self-admiration.
He is so selfish.
(Silence)
He puts his own ambitions, inner needs and desires over mine. He is so engrossed in the way he is perceived by others.
Fine. A certain amount of narcissism is necessary as it inspires us to take care of ourselves but there is a major difference between ‘healthy narcissism’ and “extreme pathological narcissism”.
(Hmmmm)
He is self-centered.
(Pause)
I am mentioning all the characteristics of a narcissist so that you can identify him and avoid being a victim like me. Hmmmm…He lacks empathy and likes to dominate. He craves my attention and admiration but finds it difficult to maintain relationships.
He begins a relationship with women in an effort to fulfill his unmet needs and he is inconsiderate of my feelings. He is exploitative and monopolizes conversation to the extent that it hurts.
He is not aware of how his behavior affects me and dismisses the feelings, ideas, and opinions of others. He criticizes, judges and makes derogatory remarks about others and me. My husband makes me feel that am the challenge by manipulating me.
He is so arrogant.
You may want to ask that didn’t I notice all this before this time. Well, I observed but ignored it, hoping that everything would change.
(Hmmmm)

I am enslaved. I eat what he wants to eat and watch what he wants to watch on TV. He does not apologize and appreciate me. He believes he owns my time, my emotions and self-esteem.

                                                                                      

He is not concerned about what I did right but all I do right is wrong to him.

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist. You should ask yourself what you really want, without a narcissist’s influence, and begin to put those needs first.
When you do not accommodate his selfishness, you affirm that your needs matter. Again, you are also telling him not to conceal your self-esteem; then, you turn out to be the confident person the narcissist pretends to be.
Story by
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Babafemi Similoluwa (Similoluwababafemi@gmail.com

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